


Unrequited Love

by softcalender



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Based on a dodie Song, Bittersweet Ending, Developing Friendships, Feelings Realization, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, Sad Tsukishima Kei, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unrequited Love, she by dodie, we love these idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24888004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softcalender/pseuds/softcalender
Summary: Kageyama has many talents. And since that one time he played 'She' by Dodie Clark, Tsukishima keeps going back to that song. And his heart aches with every repeat.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 20
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

> Am I allowed  
> To look at him like that?

His eyes always wandered back to the setter, his beguiling face, magnetic body and intimidating presence. On the court Tsukishima was hyper aware of Tobio. When they’d brush past one another, it was electric.

> Could it be wrong  
> When he's just so nice to look at?

Kei was starting to understand why Kenma got excited to see Hinata play. Seeing Hinata still made Kei want to vomit. But the seething passion that emanated from Kageyama when he was on the court was contagious. It riled him up. In more ways then one. He looked away from him. But because he did so he didn’t see Kageyama frown at him.

> And he smells like lemongrass and sleep  
> He’d taste like apple juice and peach

At a sleepover at Yamaguchi’s house Kageyama fell asleep on him whilst they played cards. It was a four person game so whilst Kageyama sat out and let Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Yachi and Hinata play, he peered over Yachi’s back, guiding her. Tsukishima had bristled.  
Fifteen minutes past ten Kageyama announced he was drowsy. But in the name of camaraderie he would stay awake. He was out like a lightbulb not long after.  
“His neck can’t be comfortable” Yachi said worriedly.  
Their highness was sleeping sitting slouched, head up and eyes shut; mostly behind Tsukishima.  
Kei couldn’t help the bark of laughter that left him.  
This stirred Tobio up and in a frenzy of the others shushing him, gasps as Kageyama seemed to stir away for a moment look at Kei’s slight turned face and crash onto his back. Clutching the back of his shirt in fists at the hem.  
“Oh god.”  
“Serves you right for laughing… let me sleep.”  
“...alright.”

With a death glare at the others shocked faces they continued the game. Kei hoped the warmth from his back wasn’t so evidently affecting the redness of his face. It was the best memory he had with Kageyama. And he remembers everything. His touch, his face, his breath, and his smell.

> Oh, you would find him in a Polaroid picture  
> And he means everything to me, oh

_Click!_  
“Hey! This came out soo well!” Hinata exclaimed.  
“We all look so tired but the flash made it look nicer I suppose.” Said Yachi.  
“Kageyama looks the most decen- oh my god Kageyama did you smile for this one?” Yamaguchi took the polaroid bewildered.  
“What, well no not really.”  
“You are so photogenic this is unfair.”  
“I can barely smile without making someone cry.” he said sadly.  
“Your highness does have a track for that.”  
Kageyama bristled but his eyes shined, Kei thought it was a trick of the light.  
“Let’s have a photoshoot!” Hinata accompanied by an uproar of idiots. Thats what happened on the morning after the sleepover.

> I'd never tell  
> No, I'd never say a word  
> And oh, it aches  
> But it feels oddly good to hurt

Was Tobio gay? He never talked about any crushes he had. Or ever participate or share when the conversation drifted to girls. The others never asked Kei about his preferences. Probably because they thought he was too scary for anyone to approach. They weren’t wrong and it made him laugh. But he wishes deep down that perhaps if Kageyama knew he was gay he would approach him.

Tsukishima shook himself. Of course that’s only if he is gay idiot. Resigned he had to swallow this pill. It could never be.

> And he smells like lemongrass and sleep  
> He’d tastes like apple juice and peach  
> Oh, you would find him in a Polaroid picture  
> And he means everything to me

This song was stuck in a loop in his head. He heard Kageyama playing it at the sleepover on his guitar. He had flipped the pronouns and it gave him a little hope. But they were deflated when he said he just wanted to incarnate the longing in the way the song was written.  
Meaning he probably wasn’t gay.  
Meaning he was probably straight but to play the song with the same emotional intensity had to pretend he had a unrequited crush on a boy.  
Or perhaps.. He was gay and could not relate to crushing on a girl. So he flipped it so he could sing it right! Or perhaps-  
Kei had to cut this train of thought at its bud. It was pointless. He would never say a word, never take the risk to be let down either way. Listening closely to the song once more. Kei had to laugh from the irony or he would have cried. The only two polaroids he kept from that day was one of the group and the other of just kageyama and him. If he could have just one thing from him it would be that picture of them. Red, trying to smile but comfortable too because they were surrounded by friends, and each other.

> And I'll be okay admiring from afar  
> 'Cause even when he's next to me  
> We could not be more far apart  
> And he tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall  
> But to him, I taste of nothing at all

Tsukishima had accidentally revealed himself. At the training camp there was a small porch swing with a canopy that sat alone, far away from the chaos back in the boys dorms. Kei would go there at the end of the day. Sometimes late in the night when his legs would cramp from the strenuous exercise of the day and he could not sleep.

Kageyama being so observant had noticed him leaving the dorm many times had asked him about it. Wordlessly Kei took him to his secret place.

Kageyama lightly swung them as they stared in silence onto the beautiful city. Nekoma school was on a high hill that surveyed the town bellow. The weekend lights glowed and the sky buzzed with crickets.

Closing his eyes Kei felt himself relax as the white noise and the rocking lulled him to sleep.

“Thank you for bringing me here. I didn’t think you liked me enough for… this.”  
“I like you a lot.”  
Wait. He sprang awake and whipped his head to look anxiously at Tobio’s equally shocked face. It just came out. What does he do now? He felt sick, Kageyama was gonna go away and leave him for good. What little friendship they had would be gone. He’d find him weird and gross and then the team would also-

But then Tobio smiled and burst out laughing. The twinkle in his eyes matched those in the night sky. And his wide smile was like he took a slice from the moon.

“I’m glad. Cause I want to be good friends with you too.”

Kei’s heart broke and was put back together at the same time.

> Cause he smells like lemongrass and sleep  
> He tastes like apple juice and peach  
> Oh, you would find him in a Polaroid picture  
> And he means everything to me  
> Yes, he means everything to me  
> He means everything to me


	2. i still love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been two years since their reconciliation.  
> Kageyama and Tsukishima are closest of the first years. Kei learns the guitar with Tobio in their time together.

'Bubble gum' by Clairo was the song of the week. Since first year, Tsukishima would pick a song that would fit his week best. They were religiously updated and saved in his playlist every friday night. Most of the songs were bittersweet. Most of the songs were about the same person.

"You coming over today?"  
"Why? Is there some exam you failed I don't know about."  
"Very funny, Kei."  
Tsukishima's heart swooned still when he said his name.

> Sorry I didn't kiss you  
> But it's obvious I wanted to

"You said you wanted to learn the guitar?"

"Oh."

He had remembered.

> Bubble gum down my throat and it's a curse  
> But my luck couldn't get any worse

Two years had passed with Kei's persistent crush on Tobio. Despite that it hurt, Kei's crush had festered. Like a wound. Like a sore. And Tsukishima, like a masochist, let it.

> 'Cause I swallowed the bubble gum  
> Oh, and these seven years will be pretty dumb  
> Pink flowers grow from my skin  
> Pepto Bismol veins and I grin

They had gotten extremely close over the last few years. Perhaps closest between themselves, Yachi, Yamaguchi and Hinata. They were captain and vice and had too worked closely together. They both aspired for Waseda University for their undergraduate. They even made plans to keep in touch if they did get there.

Thus, at this point Kei had accepted that, in his three years in highschool and four years in college, he would still be pinning after Tobio Kageyama, no matter what. How could he help. Kageyama was perfect too him. 

"Yeah, with exams finally over I figured you would want too."

"I do." Kei's voice was soft fondness. He cleared his through, "Today after practise?"

"Sure. My house."

Tsukishima tried to seem disinterested, "Okay."

Kageyama just gave him a knowing smile. He saw right through him now.

> You look so nice in your shirt  
> It's sad because it just hurts  
> I'd do anything for you  
> But would you do that for me, too?

"Your hair is wet."

Kei has short-circuited. Tobio's shirt is most definitely too small. They were in Kageyama's room. Kageyama preferred to shower at home after practise.

"Astute observation."

"How come you have gotten so sassy, King"

"Your influence on me, of course."

Kei had to bite back a smile, "I concede, Your majesty. But what's this? Your hair is kind of... curly?"

"Hm? Well my sister is a hair and makeup artist so she straightened my hair since I was a kid. It's gotten mostly straight at this point.

It all made sense why is hair always seemed so thick. He wanted to run his hands in them.

Kageyama seemed to jolt suddenly and hurriedly added, "That's not to say I don't like curly hair!"

Kei was confused for a moment before he realised Tobio was referring to Kei's hair. Tsukishima felt wicked and was going to tease Kageyama just for a reaction when Tobio shyly said, "I like your hair a lot."

His words died on his lips. This is dangerous territory. 

"Which guitar, the black or classic?" Kageyama had both hung up on the wall. Kei's face was burning and he was glad Kageyama was looking away.

"Your pick. You are the teacher."

"Hmm..." Kageyama took a suspicious amount of time examining the guitars like they weren't his own. By some trick of the light, were Kageyama's ears red?

> 'Cause I swallowed the bubble gum  
> Oh, and these seven years will be pretty dumb  
> Pink flowers grow from my skin  
> Pepto Bismol veins and I grin

_Hanahaki Disease: a fictional illness caused by seemingly unrequited romantic affections that results in pink flowers growing in the lungs and being spit up._

Kei thinks he just might have lungs clogged the way he is fumbling to breathe a little when Kageyama is adjusting his fingering. His arm. His strum.

If the Hanahaki Disease was real, his veins would probably be Pepto Bismol instead of blood. Because Kei felt his heart ache and he wanted to suppress it with the cough syrup. Kageyama was imperfectly perfect.

He was kind. Having learned over the years to guide gently but firmly.

He was endearing. Even if Kei sounded like shit cause his fingers were too big and it was muting the A string, Kageyama told him he sounded great.

He was talented. Not just athletically but even on instruments as the guitar and piano.

"You got it."

"D chord is a bitch."

Kageyama laughed with him, "I struggled on that too."

"Sure you did."

"I did!"

Kei was getting slightly demotivated.

Tobio could read him like a book.

"Hey, let's stop for today," gently he took the guitar from Kei.

"I really got into playing the guitar cause I wanted to play songs I could sing too. Just for fun. Let me play something for you."

Was Kei dreaming or was Kageyama going to serenade him. Wishful thinking that was, he dismissed the thought. Though Kageyama did look slightly pink. 

"It's only four chords so you could play it too soon!"

"Mhm, which song?"

"Bubble Gum."

_Oh._

It was almost like a sick joke that Kageyama picked this song. But as soon as Kageyama started to sing, Kei was taken back to their sleepover in first year. When Kageyama had sung and played the guitar for them. A settling calm came over Kei. He closed his eyes and listened.

> You look so nice in your shirt  
> It's sad because it just hurts  
> I'd do anything for you  
> But would you do that for me, too?

Tsukishima had to laugh otherwise he would cry. His laugh came out scratchy and short. His emotions surged and overcame him.

Kei opened his eyes and stared back at Kageyama. Tobio had a raised eyebrow.

So Kei joined Tobio in the end harmonies. Their deep voices resonating and intertwined with another to create a nestled warmth. When the music stopped and Tobio put the guitar down the air was still ringing with the magic of the song.

"Why did you pick that song?"

"It was on your playlist."

Kei felt strangely embarrassed, "You follow me?"

"Yeah, you recommend so many I just thought easier to follow your account. And so," Kageyama hesitated and Kei felt nervously like the conversation was taking a turn, "I know about it."

"Cool," _play it off Kei_ , he told himself.

"Well, no I mean," his voice went quaintly quiet, "I know about the song thing you do."

His blood went cold. Tsukishima moved to leave, "I think I should go."

"Kei, no wait! I-"

"Who told you?"

"I figured it out. I am not that stunted," Kei had to laugh and the tension eased between them. Smiling Tobio continued, "And besides... you told me you liked me when I thought you hated me since first year."

Tsukishima's ears were burning. 

"Hinata always kept saying that you teased me cause you liked me, more than a friend." Shyly Tobio fiddled with his fingers. Pulling at the callouses at the tips of his left hand. "It confused me but over time we became friends. Close friends. And I could see how truly you are kind. You are funny and so," Kei held his breathe, "I just grew to like you that way too."

A moment of silence.

"Why?"

Kageyama only laughed. Timidly he reached to hold Tsukishima's hand. 

"Cause there is only you."

"I still don't understand how you found out."

This prompted Kageyama to roll his eyes. Tsukishima really has had a bad effect on Tobio, "You had 'She' by dodie as your most listened to song last year. I-I just figured that meant something too."

It did.

Kei moved closer to Kageyama at that. They were still on the floor. A guitar forlorn to the right. Sheet music with chords and lyrics strewn about and crushed between them. Their knees were touching. 

"Can I kiss you?"

Kei raised his hand to hold Kageyama's face. Tobio's hand gently pressed it even more onto his face. 

"Please."

How long had he waited. How much had he thought about it. How wrong could he have been about how it would feel. Because nothing truly could describe this ecstacy.

The kiss was gentle. Slowly rising heat. Till they were moving desperately against one another. Shuffled impossibly closer on their knees. Even when they stopped to breathe Tsukishima's hand wouldn't leave Tobio's face. 

"Do you know how long I have waited to do that?"

"End of first year I am guessing?"

"Since I met you really."

"Didn't peg you for a romantic sap."

Kei laughed, "Mean either. Always thought this would remain unrequited. Perhaps that's why I am so," Kei struggled, "impassioned."

Kei's eyes were shining. The emotions from before were surging high in him. 

Kageyama chuckled and traced his face. Like he couldn't believe it yet either, "I'm glad we found each other in the end then."

"Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> idk i kind of wanted to leave it angsty with the last chap. But at request i have written a follow up ahaha so sorry if it doesnt seemed well thought out! Thank you for reading :) Leave kudos and comments <3


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